PERTH-ANDOVER, NB — The sleepy town of Perth-Andover, home to the Oromocto Senators’ farm team, the Fiddleheads, became the unlikely site of a spirited "cultural exchange" between players and fans this past Friday night. And by "cultural exchange," we mean a full-on barroom brawl triggered by karaoke, playoff heartbreak, and a deep disrespect for Spencer Knight’s cardio.

According to witnesses, the trouble began at The Broken Stick Pub, a local watering hole known for its cheap wings, sticky floors, and an unreasonably loud karaoke machine that has survived more mic drops than a mid-2000s rap battle. Fiddleheads teammates Mike Foligno and Brenden Morrow, enjoying a well-deserved post-practice pint, were quietly minding their own business. That is, until a group of South Esk Scotsmen fans swaggered in, beer already on their breath and bitterness on their minds.

"They were salty. Like, Tim Hortons hashbrown-level salty," said one bartender, who asked to remain anonymous because she "wasn’t about to get benched from serving beer over this."

The Scotsmen fans, still apparently smarting from their team’s playoff collapse — blowing a 3-1 series lead to the Senators — began taunting Foligno and Morrow. It started with chirps about the Senators getting “lucky,” escalated to accusations that “Knight couldn’t stop a beach ball now,” and climaxed when they signed up for karaoke.

The song choice? En Vogue’s “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It)”. The twist? They modified the lyrics on the fly, belting:

“You’re never gonna get it (another cup with Knight!)”

The line was repeated with such gusto, it triggered something primal in Foligno — possibly a flashback to his own minor league hairline trauma. Morrow, meanwhile, reportedly muttered something about "defending honour" and "this is why I never trusted the bagpipes."

Words were exchanged. Pints were raised — and then weaponized.

What happened next can only be described as Slap Shot meets Road House, with a touch of Canadian Idol. Fists flew. Chairs were overturned. Someone was allegedly hit with a karaoke remote the size of a Game Boy Advance. And, as if summoned by fate (or a very poorly timed karaoke queue), the next song began to play:

“Everybody was kung-fu fighting…”

It was the soundtrack no one asked for, but somehow, it fit. Especially when one Scotsmen fan attempted a roundhouse kick and promptly slipped on a pool of spilled Moosehead, fracturing his dignity.

"It was like watching a live-action Don Cherry’s Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em: Dive Bar Edition," said a patron who livestreamed the event until his phone was knocked into a pitcher of beer.

Police were eventually called, but by the time they arrived, the melee had fizzled into what one officer called, “a bunch of sweaty guys arguing about offside rules while nursing bruised egos and ice packs.”

No arrests were made, but the pub is now enforcing a “no En Vogue karaoke” policy until further notice.

Oromocto Senators GM Trent Gallant issued a brief statement the next morning:

“While we do not condone violence, we understand tensions run high during after coming into a new season... and sometimes, En Vogue just pushes people over the edge. We’ll be handling this matter internally — possibly with extra laps.”

Meanwhile, when asked to comment, Fiddleheads coach Rick Danko simply sighed, rubbed his temples, and said:

“All I wanted was a quiet season and maybe a decent penalty kill. Now I’ve got players reenacting WWE Raw over a karaoke machine.”

The South Esk Scotsmen organization has not released an official statement, although sources say they’re exploring trademark rights to their new chant, “You’re never gonna get it – another cup with Knight!”

As for Knight himself, the goalie remains focused on his return to form, reportedly unaware of the lyrical slander in Perth-Andover. When informed, he shrugged and said,

“I’ve been punched in the crease before. I’ll live.”

Editor’s Note: The karaoke machine at The Broken Stick is currently listed as day-to-day.