In a move that blurred the line between performance testing and midlife crisis, the Oromocto Senators held a one-of-a-kind Speed Showcase Triathlon this past weekend. The objective? To prove that Spencer Knight — once hailed as the franchise’s future between the pipes — still has the physical edge, despite the lingering questions about his form since a near-catastrophic battle with COVID.
Knight was once the goaltender who led the Senators through a heroic playoff comeback, the guy who made saves like he was trying to defuse a bomb every night. But since contracting COVID while celebrating last season’s championship win a little too hard, he hasn’t quite looked the same. Now three games into the new season, he's showing signs of life, but questions linger louder than a brass band in a broom closet.
To put those doubts to bed — or maybe stir them up further — Senators management organized a triathlon involving not just Knight, but a ragtag group of participants that included his own teammates, fictional icons, wild animals, and even members of his own extended family.
The Competitors:
Spencer Knight – 25. Athletic. Talented. Possibly still battling long-COVID brain fog.
Andrei Vasilevskiy – 35. Knight’s goalie partner. Quick to pad save, slower to sprint.
Alexei Kolosov – 21. Promising Fiddleheads netminder who still types with two fingers.
Peter Parker – Spider-Man. Agile, but distracted by moral obligations.
Barry Allen – The Flash. Fastest man alive. Possibly too fast.
Luke Skywalker – Jedi dropout. Tried to force-lift his bike, bent a rim.
A Hare – Arrogant and inconsistent.
A Tortoise – Disciplined. Unbothered. A slow and steady PR machine.
Knight’s 67-year-old Grandmother – Marathon survivor and proud wearer of orthopedic shoes.
Knight’s 70-year-old Grandfather (with walker) – Forgot his race number. Also, that he was in a race.
Rick Hansen – Paralympic legend. Made the rest look like mall-walkers.
The Race:
It began with a 2 km run, where Barry Allen blinked and was gone, disqualified immediately for finishing before the starter’s pistol was even holstered. Spider-Man tripped over Kolosov while avoiding a rogue raccoon. The hare passed the cheetah but then took a 15-minute break to update his OnlyPaws account.
Knight? He paced himself admirably. He wasn’t as sharp as his pre-COVID self — the stride wasn’t as crisp, the breathing more laboured — but he fought through. And that’s what people came to see: not dominance, but resilience.
The 5 km bike ride was a highlight. Luke Skywalker tried to levitate his bike and ended up stuck in a ditch. Kolosov misread the course signs and accidentally rode into Perth-Andover. Vasilevskiy coasted downhill for 90% of the distance and used the rest to search for a food truck.
The 1 km swim in the Oromocto River was perhaps the most dramatic. Knight entered with determination, slicing through the water with solid form — not elite, but capable. Vasilevskiy dipped a toe in, said “Nyet,” and sat out with a hotdog. Kolosov floated like driftwood.
Meanwhile, Rick Hansen used a custom aquatic rig on his wheelchair and glided through the course to a standing ovation. Knight’s grandmother backstroked slowly but surely. His grandfather reached the shoreline and asked when dinner was.
Final Results:
Cheetah – Sprint-swim hybrid. Finished before organizers even finished writing the rules.
Rick Hansen – As expected, an absolute unit.
Spencer Knight – Beat every other goalie, every superhero, and one farm animal.
Spider-Man – Paused to tie a child’s shoe mid-bike leg.
Tortoise – Solid, unflappable, kind of smug.
Hare – Had more Instagram posts than kilometres.
Knight’s Grandmother – Finished with flare and post-race banana bread.
Luke Skywalker – Got lost trying to "use the Force to navigate."
Alexei Kolosov – DNF: Still in Perth-Andover.
Vasilevskiy – Technically finished his hotdog.
Knight’s Grandfather – Last seen napping in a lawn chair near the starting line.
The Aftermath:
Spencer Knight’s third-place finish — behind a literal apex predator and a Canadian hero — is no small feat. Though still showing signs that he’s not yet back to peak condition, he crushed both Vasilevskiy and Kolosov, proving he’s still got more gas in the tank than some may have thought.
Sure, he may not be the same goalie who won the Bob Essensa Trophy or turned the net into a brick wall during that legendary playoff run, but three games into this new season, there are glimmers of the old Knight shining through. The speed? Still there. The drive? Definitely.
As for Vasilevskiy and Kolosov?
“Well,” Vasilevskiy said afterward, “I wasn’t told there would be swimming.”
Kolosov simply texted from the side of a rural highway, “The tortoise cheated.”
Knight may not have won the race, but he outran expectations — and maybe, just maybe, he’s finally starting to outrun the shadow of last season too.
5/30/2025 - 763 words
