The ODBHL offseason is already buzzing with draft drama and blockbuster trades, but now there’s another saga unfolding in Bathurst: the mysterious disappearance of the ODBHL Cup. Bathurst GM Quintin, whose Angry Ducks hoisted the trophy in triumphant victory just two years ago, has reportedly been unable to locate the league’s most coveted prize for its return to circulation.
What happened to the Cup? That depends on who you ask, and the rumors swirling around the league range from the bizarre to the outright ridiculous.
Rumor #1: It Was Mistaken for a Salad Bowl
According to one insider, the trophy was last seen at an Angry Ducks team barbecue, where Mark Stone allegedly used it to serve his world-famous kale Caesar salad. Witnesses claim that the post-meal cleanup involved an enthusiastic scrub-down by Jonathan Drouin, who thought he was doing the right thing by tossing it in the dishwasher. Unfortunately, the Cup hasn’t been seen since, leading some to believe it’s now being used to display fresh produce in a suburban Bathurst kitchen.
Rumor #2: A Mascot Gone Rogue
Others believe the Cup fell into the hands—or paws—of Ducksworth, the team’s overzealous mascot. League sources claim Ducksworth took the trophy to his summer gigs as a wedding officiant (yes, really) and failed to return it after a ceremony in Riverview. One eyewitness insists they spotted the mascot using the Cup as a prop during an impromptu chicken dance at a wedding reception. Ducksworth’s agent refused to comment, stating only that the mascot is “fully cooperating with the league’s investigation.”
Rumor #3: The “Cup Exchange” Mix-Up
In what might be the most bizarre theory, some speculate that Quintin accidentally sent the ODBHL Cup to a fan during a team jersey giveaway. Allegedly, a lucky fan won what they thought was a signed Ducks jersey, but instead received a poorly packaged ODBHL Cup and a hand-scribbled note reading: “Keep it safe, Quintin.” When the fan reached out to return it, Quintin’s AI acting GM reportedly advised, “We can just win another one.” The fan, now keeping the Cup as a coffee table centerpiece, has reportedly ghosted all further communication attempts.
Rumor #4: It’s Being Used as a Disguise for Smuggling Snacks
One theory has Mark Stone sneaking the Cup out of Bathurst altogether. The winger, known for his love of snacks, allegedly filled the trophy with bags of chips and smuggled it into a movie theater during the team’s offseason bonding trip. Security footage from the night reportedly shows a “very shiny popcorn bucket” making its way through the theater lobby. When contacted, Stone simply replied, “It’s not my fault theaters overcharge for snacks.”
Quintin’s Defense
When reached for comment, Quintin laughed off the rumors, saying, “It’s safe…probably. Look, we might’ve let Ducksworth hold onto it for a while, and he gets very attached to things. Worst case, we’ll replace it with something from the trophy store down the street. They have some nice ones!”
Meanwhile, the league has given Quintin a firm deadline to locate and return the Cup before the new season kicks off—or face “unspecified consequences,” which likely include public shaming.
What’s Next?
Will the ODBHL Cup be found? Is it sitting in someone’s dishwasher, hosting a kale salad, or enjoying a movie theater double feature? Only time will tell. One thing is certain: with Quintin and the Ducks involved, this Cup saga is bound to go down as one of the most memorable moments in league history. Stay tuned for updates—and keep an eye on your salad bowls.
12/16/2024 - 575 words
